


Keys to my soul

by SeeTheGhosts



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Hand Jobs, M/M, Oral Sex, demisexual!hanschen, lots of consent as always, trans!Hanschen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-25 07:46:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7524397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeeTheGhosts/pseuds/SeeTheGhosts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Hanschen.” Ernst said softly, turning to face his boyfriend straight on. “Are you wearing a binder?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I've told you now

Hanschen was demisexual and had explained to his boyfriend, Ernst, that sexual attraction didn’t happen until he was 100% comfortable with someone and that he just wasn’t there yet so it wasn’t exactly odd that they hadn’t seen each other anywhere near naked. The only problem was that Ernst’s AC was broken and even with all the windows open it felt kind of like they had descended into hell. 

“You’re sure you don’t mind me just being in boxers?” Ernst asked, looking over at his incredibly sweaty boyfriend.

“Of course not. It’s fine.” The blonde reassured his boyfriend for what felt like the thousandth time.

Ernst nodded and settled back down to continue watching the Tv and they were silent for almost five minutes before he piped up again.

“You can do the same. I wont look at you, y’know, like that.”

“I’m fine, Ernst.”

“Please at least take off your sweater.” The brunette hated that he was making Hanschen uncomfortable but he just couldn’t relax with the blonde seriously at risk of overheating next to him.

“Okay.” Hanschen briefly hesitated before a determined look passed over his face and he tossed away his sweater. 

“Are you wearing a vest?!” The brunette exclaimed.

“What? No.” Hanschen looked down, mortified to discover his sweat-damp, white T-Shirt was doing literally nothing to hide what was underneath. “I mean yes! I am. Wearing… a vest.”

Ernst looked confused but didn’t say anything turning back towards the TV a final time. The blonde gradually stopped squirming uncomfortably but kept his arms crossed firmly over his chest, relieved that Ernst didn’t seem to be anywhere close to working out the truth. Or at least, that’s what Hanschen thought.

“Hanschen.” Ernst said softly, turning to face his boyfriend straight on. “Are you wearing a binder?” 

“I… Yes.” 

“Okay.” The brunette nodded, starting to turn away again when Hanschen stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

“What do you mean ‘okay’?”

“I mean okay.”

“So you aren’t freaked out?” The blonde asked, a little of the tension in his shoulders evaporating.

“Why would I be freaked out?”

“You do realise a binder means I have…” Hanschen looks down, assuming Ernst’s relaxed reaction must mean he hasn’t understood.

“Boobs? Yes.” The brunette stated, confused by his boyfriend’s behaviour.

“But you’re gay.” 

“You identify as masc, correct?” Ernst asked, maintaining eye contact with his boyfriend to try and gauge his reactions.

“Yes, I do.” 

“And so do I. So why would me being gay be a problem?” 

“I don’t know I just always kind of figured that if you found out then you wouldn’t… want me.” 

“Hanschen, that’s ridiculous.” Ernst giggled. “I like you. I want you. That means I love everything that makes you who you are. So if a part of who you are is that you are trans then I love that too.”

“Thank fuck for that.” Hanschen exclaimed. “I’m boiling.” 

He threw off his trousers and T-shirt, letting out a sigh of relief before taking his boyfriend’s hands, pulling him in for a soft kiss. Ernst hummed happily into the kiss, letting Hanschen rest his head on his lap when they got too hot to keep going, playing with his hair idly. 

Although to Ernst nothing had changed, Hanschen felt entirely different. For the first time he was comfortable and relaxed, enough so that he began to drift off, far too consumed by his affection for Ernst to have been paying any attention to the TV.

“Hanschen.” Ernst gently shook his boyfriend’s shoulder. “You shouldn’t sleep in that, it’s not safe.” 

“You’re right.” The blonde sighed, pulling Ernst up with him to head for the bedroom. 

Ernst politely turned away when he saw Hanschen begin to tug at the bottom of his binder, looking in his drawer for a loose shirt he could lend him.

“Ernst.” The blonde practically whispered. “Can you help? I’m a little too sweaty.” 

“Of course.” 

The brunette smiled politely keeping his brown eyes level with Hanschen’s blue ones as he carefully pulled the fabric over his head before handing him a shirt. 

“Would it bother you if I didn’t wear it?” Hanschen asked, dreading the thought of putting clothes on in the heat.

“Of course not!” Ernst beamed. 

The pair settled into the double bed back to back, both dreaming of all that they’d do together when Ernst’s AC was finally working again.


	2. All the Little Lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly a month later, when Ernst saw a box of pads in Hanschen's overnight bag and a wrapper from one of said pads appear in his bin, he didn't work out what was happening right away. It was only when Hanschen had made his fifth unnecessarily grouchy comment in a row that the penny finally dropped.

Nearly a month later, when Ernst saw a box of pads in Hanschen's overnight bag and a wrapper from one of said pads appear in his bin, he didn't work out what was happening right away. It was only when Hanschen had made his fifth unnecessarily grouchy comment in a row that the penny finally dropped. 

"What's wrong? You're looking at me funny." The blonde said after Ernst had been nervously glancing over at him for almost an hour.

"No, I'm not." Ernst turned away as if to prove his point.

"Right." Hanschen huffed.

It wasn't that periods bother Ernst, not at all! It's just that he had no idea how to look after someone on their period and couldn't exactly start googling things with Hanschen right next to him. He got up wordlessly and awkwardly shuffled to the kitchen, leaving the blonde baffled by his sudden weird behaviour. 

Almost 10 minutes passed before he returned to lay out armfuls of supplies in front of Hanschen. 

"What's all this?" The blonde asked, scanning over the snacks, drinks and painkillers.

"It's your period, right?"

"Oh. Yes. I've already taken as many painkillers as I can, trust me. But... uhm." He picked up two bars of chocolate and handed one to Ernst. "Thank you."

They ate in silence, back to facing away from eachother at opposite ends of the couch.

"Does it hurt?" Ernst asks suddenly.

"Of course it hurts, Ernst."

"Okay but like, what does it feel like?"

"Well my womb is literally shedding its lining so..."

"Wait what?"

"Just google it." The blonde groaned, realising his boyfriend probably didn't know a thing about periods.

Ernst nodded and began to read everything he could as quickly as possible, trying to sift through the facts for advice that could help him. When he's done reading he begins to reposition Hanschen so that the blonde is lying across his lap. 

"What are you doing?" Hanschen looked mildly annoyed at having been disturbed.

Then Ernst began gently massaging his abdomen with his warm hands and the look of annoyance was quickly replaced by a content smile. 

"Is this okay?" The brunette asked.

"More than okay." Hanschen almost moaned.

As pleased as Ernst was that his boyfriend seemed more relaxed, he couldn't help but notice the blonde was still squirming uncomfortably from time to time.

"You don't have to keep your binder on if you don't want to." 

"I want to." The blonde replied quickly.

"I know. I just meant that you've been wearing it for several hours now. And the internet said breasts are more sensitive during periods? I just want you to be comfy, sweetheart." 

"I didn't mean to snap... It's just...I already don't feel like me."

"I'm sorry." Ernst kissed his boyfriend's forehead gently, prepared to let it go until he noticed tears in the corners of Hanschen’s eyes. “Hey, I can't pretend to understand this. You're my boyfriend. And the most handsome man I know." Hanschen wriggled away from compliment, blushing. "Look your body is yours, right?"

"What are you talking about?"

"And you're a man." Ernst continues, still trying to gather his thoughts. "So your body is a man's body. Even if not everyone recognises it as such. Am I making sense?"

"No more than usual." The blonde can't help the small smile that lights up his face. "But thank you for trying." 

With Ernst's help Hanschen removes his binder and puts on a sweater thats at least three sizes too big but helps make his chest a little less prominent. 

They spend the rest of the evening watching Hanschen's favourite films whilst Ernst cooks all his favourite food. The blonde had been prepared for his usual sleepless nights so was pleasantly surprised when Ernst patiently stayed up, rubbing Hanschen's stomach to keep the pain at bay so he could drift off peacefully. Only when he could hear Hanschen snoring lightly did Ernst wrap himself around his boyfriend, already thinking over all the tips from his frantic googling he would try out the next day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic feels very personal so like I'm really enjoying writing it but at the same time it's weirdly difficult so bear with me. Let me know what you think of this chapter! Chapter 3 is nearly written and I don't currently have plans/ideas for more than that but we'll see!


	3. Lay me down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanschen had been a little worried seeing Ernst topless again would make him feel dysphoric but all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss every inch of the brunette’s beautiful body. So that’s exactly what he did.

Ernst hadn’t missed the way their endless making out seemed to have a new heat behind it since Hanschen came out to him but it still took him by surprise when the blonde worked a knee between his thighs, situating himself comfortably between them as he ran ran his hands up under his boyfriend’s shirt.

“Do you mind if I…” Hanschen’s voice was soft despite his obvious arousal as he tugged lightly at the hem of Ernst’s shirt. 

The brunette just smiled, taking off his own shirt, not missing the way his boyfriend’s eyes darkened at the sight. Hanschen had been a little worried seeing Ernst topless again would make him feel dysphoric but all he could think about was how badly he wanted to kiss every inch of the brunette’s beautiful body. So that’s exactly what he did. He started by sucking a mark onto Ernst’s collar bone and slowly made his way down. When he stopped to close his mouth around Ernst’s nipple, the brunette moaned loudly before turning bright red with embarrassment. 

“Sorry!” 

“Don’t be. You sound wonderful.” Hanschen laughed into his boyfriends chest. 

“I’m glad you think that because I am completely incapable of reacting quietly.” Ernst warned, still a little embarrassed. 

Hanschen just grinned mischievously, moving to the other nipple and biting, thrilled by the even louder whimper his actions caused. Once he was satisfied with the frankly ridiculous amount of marks colouring Ernst’s torso he crawled back up to run his fingers through the brunette’s soft hair, looking down at his pink cheeks and blissed out expression.

“Can I touch you?” 

“Only if you want to.” The brunette replied, eyes flying open.

“I do.” 

The blonde smirked as he began to lightly trace Ernst’s outline over his trousers before removing them slowly. His mouth practically watered when he saw how hard Ernst was under his boxers and he began to stroke him slowly over the soft fabric. 

“Oh, God! Please, Hanschen.” Ernst whined when the blonde tightened his grip. 

Hanschen removed Ernst’s boxers and stroked him firmly, starting slow but speeding up as he looked down at his boyfriend’s unfocused eyes and his mouth wide open allowing an endless string of pleas, moans and gasps to spill out. Ernst tangles his fingers in the blonde’s hair with one hand, clutching his back with the other, trying to desperately to hold on a little longer. 

“Hanschen, I’m close.” 

Hanschen removed his hand, causing Ernst to practically sob at the loss as he sat up to see the blonde lowering his head.

“Is this okay?” He asked, looking up through his lashes. 

Ernst could only nod, letting out another broken sound when Hanschen covered the length with his mouth. The blonde licked and sucked slowly, driving the brunette crazy until he finally came. Hanschen swallowed down his boyfriend’s orgasm, coming back up to kiss his neck enthusiastically as his breathing slowly returns to normal.

“You’re amazing.” Ernst says, rolling them over so that he sits atop Hanschen’s hips.

“That’s just the endorphins speaking.” The blonde blushed. 

“May I?” Ernst asked, toying with a button on Hanschen’s shirt. 

After the blonde nodded Ernst slowly undid each button, pressing soft kisses to the newly exposed skin. The brunette gently slides his hand up to rest over his boyfriend’s binder.

“Is this okay?” He checked, lightly tracing circles over Hanschen’s chest with his fingertips.

“Take it off.” The blonde commands in a brief moment of courage. 

“You’re sure?” 

“Please.” 

Ernst slides the binder off over Hanschen’s head and begins to caress his bare chest, kissing a line down the centre of his torso. When he feels the blonde flinch underneath him he immediately draws back, looking down at his boyfriend gnawing on his lip with his eyes screwed shut. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, pushing Hanschen’s hair away from his forehead in an effort to soothe him.

“M’sorry.” The blonde said, his expression not changing as he shook his head and covered his chest.

“Don’t be sorry. Hanschen, look at me. I want what you want, okay? We don’t have to do anything.”

“I do want to it’s just-“ Hanschen cut himself off, looking frustrated. 

“What is it, sweetheart?” Ernst asked, stroking his boyfriend’s cheek. 

“I can’t really relax when I can see myself. But I had to look to see if you were grossed out.”

“You know I would never be-“

“I know, I know. It’s dumb.”

“What if you couldn’t look?” The brunette asked cautiously.

“What?”

“I could blindfold you. And I could keep talking to you the whole time, so you don’t have to wonder how I feel.” Ernst suggested. “But if you’re uncomfortable we can just stop.” 

“That might work.”

“Do you want to try?”

Hanschen nodded so Ernst went over to his dresser and came back with a bandana. 

“Why do you own a bandana?” Hanschen sniggered.

“They were cool when I bought it!” Ernst gasped, playfully swatting his boyfriend’s arm. “You’re sure about this?”

The blonde just nodded and closed his eyes, letting Ernst tie the bandana around his head while he took deep breaths to try and relax. Ernst started by just kissing Hanschen, hands resting on his bare sides. He let his hands slowly move up to Hanschen’s chest, rubbing soothing circles with his thumbs. 

“You okay?” 

“Yes. Are you?” Hanschen breathed. 

“More than okay.” Ernst smiled, cautiously running his fingers over Hanschen’s nipples. “You’re so handsome, Hansi.” 

Ernst lowered his head to scrape his teeth over a nipple before gently caressing it with his tongue, feeling the tension slowly leave his boyfriend’s body. He moved to the other nipple with a bite and Hanschen moaned for this first time, hands desperately scrambling to find purchase in Ernst’s hair. 

“You’re beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful.” The brunette mumbled into Hanschen’s skin. “Can I?” He asked, gently tugging at the waistband of Hanschen’s shorts with one hand and rubbing his thigh with the other.” 

Hanschen nodded, letting out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding when Ernst unbuttoned his shorts and rested his hand lightly over his boxers. He began to stroke up and down, a gentle movement intended to let his boyfriend get used to his hand there. After checking in again he very slowly removed Hanschen’s shorts and underwear, watching for any change of expression that could mean he needed to stop. Once the blonde was fully naked Ernst raked his eyes down over his body. 

“Your perfect, Hansi. You look incredible.” He leaned in to kiss him passionately before lowering his head to hover over his boyfriend’s groin. “Is this okay?”

“Yes.” The blonde moaned, desperately aroused by the praise. 

Ernst licked and kissed experimentally, rubbing his hands along Hanschen’s sides to keep him calm. He flicked his tongue over Hanschen’s clitoris and delighted in the whimper that escaped, continuing to suck and kiss that spot that made his boyfriend buck his hips, needy and shameless. 

“Oh, fuck.” The blonde whined. 

“Language!” Ernst reprimanded teasingly before moving lower to push his tongue inside Hanschen.

He curled his tongue experimentally and the blonde practically melted. He continued to tease Hanschen’s entrance with his tongue as he brought to fingers to circle his clitoris, moaning in response to the Hanschen’s breathy pleas and increasingly loud whimpers. The blonde came with a cry of Ernst’s name, pulling him up to show his gratitude with an enthusiastic kiss. The brunette just giggled, pulling his duvet over them both before removing the bandana and curling up against his boyfriend. 

“Thank you for doing that.” The blonde said, still a little uncertain of whether Ernst had actually enjoyed himself. 

“It was my pleasure. I loved every second. I love making you feel good.” The brunette reassured him. 

Hanschen beamed before drawing Ernst in to make out lazily, both boys completely blissed out and exhausted. It wasn’t long before they fell asleep, tangled up in each other. Hanschen’s final thoughts before he drifted off tucked into Ernst’s side were of how he felt more comfortable in the brunette’s arms than he’d ever felt anywhere else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't currently have future chapters planned out but v open to writing more of this!

**Author's Note:**

> My only other fanfic is pure porn so this may be a total fail. I felt like this chapter was necessary given there's currently no trans Hanschen fics so I wanted to start with him coming out to introduce him. I have a couple of ideas I know I want to make chapters out of but am currently very open to suggestions!!


End file.
